Sunday, March 14, 2010

I miss my HLP more than ever today. It's those days where I know she needs me, but I can't physically be there for her that kill me. It's also those days where I'm sick as a dog, and she's not here to serve me warm Earl Grey tea and watch Twilight with me (or in her case, two more times while I'm fast asleep above her.) I've never had a friend who's lived on the other half of the country, whom I've desired more than anything to stay close with. Which is another feeling, because any tears I cried when she boarded that plane were happy, "she's going to be so happy out there" tears. I never once thought we'd lose contact or not be friends in a few months. There are a handful of people who keep me motivated to get up and do things everyday. Even being in Seattle, Camille Casado seems to do that for me. I'd be happy 70 years old, swimming in the local recreation pool with her, talking about all the things we can do and places we can see... then be those old woman in the hot tub checking out the college meat.

That was my rant on Camille. I'm not even quite sure why I did that... I think when I get in these moods where I feel so lost in a world I know so well, reminding myself of memories or situations we went through always seems to ease any hard feelings I may have. I cannot wait to be two feet away from her at all times again. Man, the Art's Village must've really hated us...along with the whole music scene within the town of Bowling Green, Ohio. OK, Ashley, STOP. Move ON.

It's Pi Day! Camille reminded me of that one. I don't recall what I did last Pi day... maybe I have a video blog from last year telling me exactly what I had on my agenda. It's depressing that I deleted my tumblr. I wish I had kept it to look back on any memories or stories I found important. Probably a lot of "Mark Gorey" this or "Pete Dowdalls" that or "Jason Polo" this. I suppose last year was an eventful year in which I spent a lot of my time caring a whole lot, and receiving barely anything in return. When I had feeling reciprocated, I found myself not wanting them, and pushing whomever was showing them away. I'm no gush, all steel.

I also just found myself rambling in hopes of pushing back this Philosophy paper I've had two weeks to write. I'm not sure what I want to say, I'm also not sure if my professor will remember me bringing my point up in class. If he doesn't, this paper may not be counted which wouldn't be the end of me, but it wouldn't be good. Five points can add up...I guess?

I'd talk more about my day, but my feelings thought and felt throughout the day seem to be more interesting and worthwhile for myself when I decide to come back to this blog a year later to read what I wrote. Last year, "a year later" didn't seem all that strange to me. When writing it this time, it felt awful. It felt like time goes by too quickly. I still can't believe my best friend, Li, is turning 21 next week. I can't believe my other best friend, Sum, is turning 22 next week. I can't believe that when I was 17-19, I honestly believed the boy I was dating could potentially be the male I marry. I didn't want it, but I didn't see a way out. If that makes sense?

My feelings currently are mixed. I'll love Michigan then hate it only a millisecond later. Whether thats how my bodies feelings always work at an influxing rate, or I'm just not cut out for the Midwest. Gosh. This is another blog entry entirely. I'll write this when I'm more prepared and my thoughts aren't being stretched like blank canvas.

Happy Pi Day