Ramble On

I feel that no matter who I'm with, or not with, I still feel lonely. My body and brain can not make a match of knowing I'm not alone. I'm constantly surrounded by someone or doing something, yet I feel that it's all an act. No one sincerely likes me - how could they when I'm not even sure if I approve of myself? I can't blame the world for feelings I myself refuse to control. I'll find myself stuck in a rut of disbelief - unsure of how I got here and how I managed to lose everyone I held close. At the time I suppose I'm aware of my actions, the reactions and the consequences stemmed from my behavior. I'm not sure who I am anymore, what I want to pursue. If I should continue to pursue the person I desire - doubtful his interest is still strong; if it is, it'll fade soon - no need to consider anything other than another quick fling which I view as something special.